I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
