Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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