Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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