i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
