How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
