hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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