Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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