Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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