I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
