just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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