I seem to have left my pride at pride
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
