She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
