This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize