So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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