I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
