he told me I talked like a deaf person
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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