Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
