i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
