OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
40s are totally the cure
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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