Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
