When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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