Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
