There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
