too bad you live with your parents still
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
