I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
this is an emotional support booty call
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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