Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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