i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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