i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
