The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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