I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I FOUND THE LEGS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
