I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
