omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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