I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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