Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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