the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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