I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
