I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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