Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
