capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
