dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My life is pants optional.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
