he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They have beer where we have blood.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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