Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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