someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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