i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
