You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
