I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Panties = found
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
