My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
