I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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