I just saw a hot homeless man
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
