Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
