I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The uberlube is also flammable
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
