you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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