Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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