just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
