you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found puke in my bra..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
