I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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