he wants to bone in the snuggie
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
