At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
