those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
