the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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