There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
