Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I had to cum in my sink.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
