There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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